Treasure Island

Richard Harris Barham

(1788-1845 / England)

Stinkomalee triumphans


WHENE'ER with pitying eye I view
Each operative sot in town.
I smile to think how wondrous few
Get drunk who study at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town,
--niversity we've Got in town.

What precious fools 'The People' grew,
Their alma mater not in town;
The 'useful classes' hardly knew
Four was composed of two and two,
Until they learned it at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

But now they're taught by JOSEPH HU-
ME, by far the cleverest Scot in town,
Their items and their tottles too
Each may dissect his sister Sue,
From his instructions at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

Then L--E comes, like him how few
Can caper and can trot in town,
In pirouette or pas de deux --
He beats the famed Monsieur Giroux,
And teaches dancing at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

And GILCHRIST, see, that great Gentoo
Professor, has a lot in town
of Cockney boys, who fag Hindoo,
And larn Jem-nasties at the U
--niversity we've Got in town.

SAM R-- corpse of vampire hue,
Comes from its grave, to rot in town;
For Bays the dead bard's crowned with Yew,
And chaunts the Pleasures of the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

FRANK JEFFREY, of the Scotch Review,--
Whom MOORE had nearly shot in town,--
Now, with his pamphlet stitched in blue
And yellow, d--ns the other two,
But lauds the ever-glorious U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

Great BIRKBECK, king of chips and glue,
Who paper oft does blot in town,
From the Mechanics' Institu-
tion, comes to prate of wedge and screw,
Lever and axle, at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

LORD WAITHMAN, who long since withdrew
From Mansion House to cot in town;
Adorn'd with chair of ormolu.
All darkly grand, like Prince Lee Boo,
Lectures on Free Trade at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

Fat F--, with his coat of blue,
Who speeches makes so hot in town,
In rhetoric, spells his lectures through,
And sounds the V for W,
The vay they speaks it at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

Then H--e comes, who late at New-
gate-market -- sweetest spot in town!
Instead of one clerk popped in two,
To make a place for his nephew,
Seeking another at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

There's Captain Ross, a traveller true,
Has just presented. what in town
's an article of great virtu,
(The telescope he once peep'd through,
And 'spied an Esquimaux canoe
On Croker Mountains), to the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

Since MICHAEL gives no roast nor stew,
Where Whigs might eat and plot in town,
And swill his port, and mischief brew --
Poor CREEVY sips his water gru-
el as the beadle of the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

There's JERRY BENTHAM and his crew,
Names ne'er to be forgot in town,
In swarms like Banquo's long is-sue --
Turk, Papist, Infidel, and Jew,
Come trooping on to join the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

To crown the whole with triple queue
Another such there's not in town,
twitching his restless nose askew,
Behold tremendous HARRY BROUGH-
--AM! Law Professor at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.
--niversity we've Got in town.

GRAND CHORUS:

Huzza! Huzza! for HARRY BROUGH-
--AM! Law Professor at the U-
--niversity we've Got in town.

Submitted: Thursday, January 01, 2004

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