The Beginning Of Life And Ending In Fantasy Poem by David Pimentel

my fantasy is suicide.
day and night.
i have fun and enjoy the good times.
but i am not happy.
i am completely miserable.
i have reached the ending point.
everyday i pray that the nonstop thought of suicide doesnt occur.
i have made a promise.
but this promise won't matter in the end.
it will only matter for the time being.
i am a freak.
i am a failure.
i have failed myself and loved ones.
i have lived most of my life in a house with strangers.
no one understands me.
people just know me for my name.
my feelings are a gift from hell.
i have no guidance and not enough caring love.
i dont deserve the wonderful things in life.
when others don't even have families.
my mind and feelings are corrupted.
the fear of death is nonexistent.
i have nightmares about what i will come across tomorrow.
but i dream about the beauty of suicide.