The Bundle Of Oddities Poem by Robert Anderson

Sit down, and I'll count owre my sweethearts,
For faith a brave number I've had,
Sin I furst went to schuil wi' Dick Railton,
But Dick's in his greave, honest lad!
I mind, when he cross'd the deep watter,
To get me the shilapple's est,
How he fell owrehead, and I skirl'd sae,
Then off we ran heame, sair distrest.


Then there was a bit of a teaylear,
That work'd at our house a heale week,
He was sheap'd aw the warl like a trippet,
But niver a word durst he speak;
I just think I see how he squinted
At me, when we sat down to meat;
Owre went his het keale on his blue breeks,
And de'il a bit Snippy cud eat.


At partin he poud up his spirits,
Says he, 'Tou hes bodder'd my head,
'And it sheks yen to rags and to tatters,
'To sew wi' a lang double thread:'
Then, in meakin a cwoat for my fadder,
(How luive dis the senses deceive!)
Forby usin marrowless buttons,
To th'pocket-whol he stitch'd a sleeve.


The neist was a Whaker, caw'd Jacob,
He turn'd up the wheyte o' his een,
And talk'd about flesh and the spirit-
Thowt I, what can Gravity mean?
In dark winter neets, i' the lonnins,
He'd weade thro' the durt 'buin his knee,
It cuil'd his het heart, silly gander!
And there let him stowter for me.


A lang blue-lipt chap, like a guidepwost,
(Lord help us and keep us frae harm!)
Neist talk'd about car-gear and middens,
And the reet way to manage a farm;
'Twas last Leady Fair I leet on him,
He grummell'd and spent hawf-a-crown-
God bless him! hed he gowd i' gowpens,
I waddn't ha'e hed sec a clown.


But, stop! there was lal wee deef Dicky,
Wad dance for a heale winter neet,
And at me aw the time wad keep glowrin-
Peer man, he was nobbet hawf reet!-
He grew jealous o' reed-headed Ellek,
Wi' a feace like a full harvest muin;
Sae they fit till they just gat eneugh on't,
And I laugh'd at [illeg.]eath when 'twas duin.


There's annudder worth aw put together,
I cud, if I wad, tell his neame;
He gangs past our house to the market,
And monie a time he's set me heame:
O wad he but ax me this question,
'Will tou be my partner for life?'
I'd answer without ony blushes,
And aye try to mek a guid wife.

August 1, 1802.