Kylee Bartz

(9-12-96 (September 12,1996) / Attica, New York)

The Cherry Blossom Tree

The sun shines down.
Pink flowers glow softly.
A gentle breeze rustles the leaves.
Birds flutter about the branches.
A young girl sits below it.
Relaxing in the shade.
The sweet smell of cherry blossoms fills the air.
And I know
I am home.

Submitted: Friday, May 07, 2010

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  • Lady KrimZen (5/11/2010 5:34:00 PM)

    ['The sun shines down. / Pink flowers glow softly. / A gentle breeze rustles the leaves. / Birds flutter about the branches.']

    This is a beautiful, bright and lively image. There is a lot of movement going on in these four lines.

    I can actually see the pink and white petals/leaves floating in the air with tiny spring birds dancing in the branches of the tree; which is also very gently dancing in the breeze. Gives the image a spring celebration feel.

    After introducing the reader into the poem with the bright and lively imagery, you then continue with a very quick juxtaposition and show a more... still and not as bright image. ['A young girl sits below it. / Relaxing in the shade.']

    I can see the young girl sitting at the trunk of the tree in my mind. Both the girl and the trunk are still images. Colours in this part of the poem don't seem to be as brightly coloured as before; however, that presence of pinks and whites are still there due to the petals falling to the ground (as seen in the first image) - this is what's going on in my mental image of the poem.

    The tone of this poem is quite relaxed and tranquil; and is a major contrast from some of your other poems (that I have read, so far, which is all part of the writing process) . ['And I know / I am home.'] These two lines show that the persona in this poem enjoys being amongst the calm and liveliness (Image 1): but at the same time, chooses to belong to a more relaxed and secluded part of the liveliness (Image 2) .

    In conclusion, the only little edit I would suggest to you is for the last two lines of the poem.
    To amplify the meaning, whilst putting emphasis on these two lines, try writting them in a stanza (couplet) by itself. It will act as a final, personal note from the persona/poet.

    All in all, a brilliant read that I enjoyed very much.
    Keep up the brilliant poetic works.

    All the best for you and your future literary works. (Report) Reply

  • Ken E Hall (5/11/2010 4:02:00 AM)

    Well KB nice little poem you can you say you want to get better well the answer is read read and more reading..Angelou America's best, Sylvia Plath oh and may I say 'Gloria' an ode to my wife, good luck
    regards (Report) Reply

  • Matt Mooney (5/7/2010 8:51:00 AM)

    There is no time as sweet as cherry blossom time.Enjoy it as I am enjoying my cherry blossom tree at the moment.The petals fall and fly like confetti when the wind blows-and yes home is the best place after all! (Report) Reply

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