The Price Of Failure Poem by Heather Kemper

I can't believe you're leaving
you decided you can't stay.
I can't believe the pain inside
will it ever go away?

I never knew what it felt like
to be loved before you came along.
I knew I was nothing and no one
replaceable always wrong,

You touched my heart and showed me
what warmth and happiness was.
You showed what it was like to be special
believed in me because.

If I had never felt that feeling
of special wonderful light.
Then going back to that darkness of living
would be ok and a little alright.

I wouldn't hurt for what I was losing
or cry for what I'll again never have.
I would be content with the cold and unfeeling
like it was nothing the same as I am.

Now I know that sweet feeling
you promised I'd for a lifetime feel,
I failed and now you are leaving
you say somehow my heart will heal.

I made you leave me I know this
I made loving me to hard to do.
I made you ashamed of sharing a life with me.
I did all this by loving you.

I want to beg you
stay with me.
I want to plea
you promised me you would.
But I can't
I promised you truly
If you decided to leave
I'd let you go so you could.

Now I live this existance
For the children I was lucky to have
Going through the motions of living
Knowing I cost them their dad.

Knowing I can't make him love me
knowing I failed as a wife,
Wondering how long till I fail them
As a mom I'll never be right.

They aren't yet old enough to know this
to see the mistake that is me.
Soon they will see what the truth is
and they will run anywhere to be free.

I wish I could be free of that promise
the one I made years ago.
That I would stay not give in to darkness
end this life that I know

To not end the mistake of an existance.
To live when I didn't want to be.
To not end this joke I've been living
is to much I beg to be free.

Release me Please I'm begging
release me from staying in hell.
I don't want to live here as nothing
In that darkness I've known all to well.

To live without you beside me
like you promised always you would.
To live without the love that you gave me
is a hell you never understood.

I love you
one last time I will say this.
I promise I love you I did
I lost you
and now I will pay this
forever is the price that I bid.

1/28/2007