The Teacher's Prayer (Best Sung) Poem by Chuck Toll

Pearl’s Intro:

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz.
My friends all drive Porches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my life, no help from my friends.
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz.

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV.
Dialing for Dollars is trying to find me.
You’ll find me at home each day just at three.
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV.

Take it, Teachers:

Oh Lord, won’t you give me a little more sleep.
I’m so doggoned tired that I could just weep.
Without enough shut-eye, my top speed’s a creep.
Oh Lord won’t you give me a little more sleep.

Oh Lord, ask my children to leave home the guns.
A bulge in a jacket now gives me the runs.
The principal promised first grade would be fun.
So Lord, ask my children to leave home the guns.

Oh Lord, please explain what is wrong with my aide
She’s late and she grumbles, and makes me afraid.
Is she mad at her paycheck or needs to get laid?
Oh Lord, can you tell me what’s wrong with my aide.

Oh Lord, what’s that stain on Little Joe’s pants?
He just stands there and lets go, like he’s in a trance.
I don’t want to be here, I’d prefer southern France.
Oh Lord, help me deal with Little Joe’s pants.

Oh Lord, why insist on No child Left Behind?
The uniform teaching is stupid and blind.
Now standardized testing puts us all in a bind.
Oh Lord, why insist on No child Left Behind?

Oh Lord, please send us a copier that works.
I thought decent equipment was one of the perks.
It’s constantly broken, the staff are such jerks!
Oh Lord, won’t you give us a copier that works.

Oh Lord, won’t you write out our School Action Plan.
If you’d do the work for me I’ll be your best fan.
Could be in Jamaica improving my tan
If I knew you were writing our School Action Plan.

Oh Lord, for five minutes won’t you cover me.
Just watch all my children while I take a pee.
Don’t think I can hold it til they leave at three,
So Lord, for five minutes won’t you cover me.

Oh Lord, give me tenure by the end of this year.
My bills keep on growing, I feel insecure,
With a stable bank balance I could shift into gear.
Oh Lord, give me tenure by the end of this year.

Oh Lord please cancel the parent meeting tonight.
The moms are all witches, the dads are uptight.
My principal will beat me if I don’t do it right!
So Lord, please cancel the meeting tonight.

Oh Lord, give your blessing to our little school.
We’re small but we’re feisty, with teachers so cool.
Give us parking space, raises, and throw in a pool.
Oh Lord, shed your blessings on our little school.