Ellias Anderson C.A ( Known as captain A)

Rookie - 159 Points (Iran, Islamic republic of)

This Thing Needs A Doctor!

I suppose this thing needs a doctor,
needs some drugs, medicine and care

and this thing is called mankind,
about dirty fleshes and minds

A little minerals like Zink,
will help this thing to think

or perhaps a master with words,
will make some vital changes in the world

or perhaps today's kids,
who are the the future's seeds,

will make the way through future,
with their unique and nice features

hey, why don't we think about a pen?
or a group of people and men?

or people who are called sage,
with spirituality which is strange

No Friends, all the things above,
can only be seen in the word love,

and the other thing is a simple smile,
which will destroy the frowns lines

let's take our hands for a big but slow change,
for poor children, mankind and humanity in this cage.

Submitted: Sunday, March 02, 2014
Edited: Monday, March 03, 2014

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Hail to all the humans
to all the mankind
to peace
to the world. :)
we all should help each other for a big change.
and we can
perhaps these hands, are belonged to God.

Comments about this poem (This Thing Needs A Doctor! by Ellias Anderson C.A ( Known as captain A) )

  • Bronze Star - 5,525 Points Bri Edwards (5/2/2014 7:47:00 PM)

    ellias, i have read this twice so far. it gets easier the second time around. i do think some words don't work for me here, and i think you sometimes think you are rhyming when i don't think you are. maybe i'm wrong about that; maybe you aren't trying to rhyme. i may comment more at a later time but i have other things on my mind now.
    i will point out one thing. when i first read No Friends, all the things above, ... i thought No Friends meant not one friend/zero friends, but now i believe you are talking to your Friends (capitalized as though it is a person's name; i like that idea) , telling them No, all the things above, can only be seen in the word love, ... [i would NOT put a comma after above, but i WOULD put a comma after No. so in the poem i would put a comma between No and Friends].

    overall, the poem shows promise and shows that you seem to be concerned about the future of mankind.
    thanks for sharing. bri :) remind me to comment more (perhaps next time in a personal message) if you want more critiquing done by me. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 14 Points Alookh (matin) (4/11/2014 12:41:00 PM)

    a good work! i liked it...and i liked the way u write this line:
    or people who are called sage,
    with spirituality which is strange
    thanksssssssssss ;) (Report) Reply

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