Thought I Could Poem by Nikhil Sharad

Thought I could belong
To the damp cold, the abyss
With chaotic comfort,
And lack of morality.

Thought I could
Ignore my inner calls
And be shallow,
Be drenched in guilt
And escape divinity.
For far too long I've thought,
Thought of right and wrong
Far too long I've analyzed
And reviewed my own soul.

Thought I could triumph
If I made no mistakes
Be a piece that fits
And take my conscience away.

Thought I could find peace
If I embraced apathy
Because there is no pain
If you feel no joy

Thought I could appreciate
If I accept my fiend
I counted my black,
And blackened my white
And I chose darkness over light.
I let it engulf me,
Own my whole.

Thought I could only be
One of the two extremes.
But now I learn two things I'll never be
The angel I think I should be
And the devil I think I am