Transparent Pain Poem by Dani Miller

And as I lay down my head,
On this cold winter night.
I know what is coming,
Something I dont like.
The tears that seem to never end,
The ones that go away when
They think that Ive endured
The most pain I can handle.
But the question is,
When have I had enough?
Is it when my eyes stop burning?
Is it when I can finally see
Without having my vision blurred?
No I dont think so...
Because if that was the case
Then I'd be alot happier that I am.
Personally I think its waiting...
I think there is a little thing inside me,
Something that is beneath all the smiles,
Something that has been there the whole time.
Something that I thought I killed away.
Although now it is apparent that its not gone.
It was just buried under the laughs
And the happiness that I thought now
Owned my entire life.

And something has started happening.
Out of no where Ive had these...
These pains...pains of what?
I dont know yet.
But they are unexplainable,
And I know what they are about,
But I just cant describe the way it feels.
Not physical pain...no thats fine.
Emotional pain...thats what gets me.
I'd describe it the best I could,
But I wouldnt dare let it get out in the open,
Out to where waiting ears could hear it...
Or in this case...see it...
Either way it will get back around
To the wrong person...or perhaps the right person.
Which is even worse.

I feel the freeze rush over me,
And my entire body shakes uncontrollably.
Although it isnt from the cold...
This is just what happens after the tears
Think I have had enough.
But when will the shakes and paranoia
Think that Ive had enough?
Is it when I finally decide that its over,
When I decide to get up and move on?
Or when I decide that I actually like
Having the cool metal forced against
My Flesh?

Written January 31st 2007