Trichotillomania Poem by Cati Walthall

My head hurts
I've been pulling out hairs
I like the way it feels
when I pluck and pluck and pluck
I pull out chunks
because it feels better than just one
I have bald spots
and I'm only 14
I wear hats
or I'll wear my hair up
I don't want everyone knowing
how crazy I am
Most people already know I cut
I don't need more stares
But I like the way it feels
when I pull more hairs

Am I pretty?
Even with the scars?
Even when I pull my hair
Will you love me the same?
When I look at you
Even with my sorrowed eyes
Even when I cry
Will anything change?
Am I good enough?
I hope you know I try
because right now
Giving up is not the answer
but the questions still remain
'How do I get past this? '
'Will things get better'
'Will I ever look in the mirror
and love what I see? '


Some say this is only a bump in the road
But I disagree
It's a mountain
and I'm forced to climb over
Because if I don't
I'll never see what's on the other side
When I pull hairs
When I cut myself
When I do anything that is self harming
I fall down a little bit
Sometimes I allow myself to cry in pain
but I always pick myself up any ways
And when I finally get to the other side
I'll see how far I've come
Now that the mountain is behind me
It's time to make it over the next one
The last one is living proof that I can do it
And I will see the beauty that awaits me