Turkey In The Freezer Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

A man whose birthday had just come
was given by his son (a bum)
a parrot with an attitude,
his language was considered rude.

The man, a genuine optimist
now tried for his ventriloquist
to find a happy compromise
the bird played deaf, which wasn't wise.

One day, the vicar had stopped in
and witnessed this strange bird of sin.
He said, 'my son may God be kind
this language makes me deaf and blind.'

The vicar gone, the bird just raved
and acted utterly depraved.
Well, patience sometimes wears quite thin
so now he grabbed him by the chin
and yelled 'you sewer-mouthed old geezer,
you're going, head first, in the freezer.'

For twenty seconds there was heard
a string of insults from the bird.
But then, a silence did descend
as if the bird was near the end.

Now worried, yanking on the door
not knowing what there was in store
he did regard with kinder eyes
his parrot who was still and wise.

'Oh master, my apologies
I am so sorry, pretty please,
I shall, from now, each single day
serve you and love you, if I may.'

The man, astonished at the change,
could not quite grasp this sudden, strange
and revolutionary shift,
perhaps it was, from God a gift?

But happy now, he said, 'my friend,
I figured that you'd reached the end
but I am fair and quite forgiving,
so, welcome back, among the living.'

The parrot smiled his crooked smile
and thought about this for awhile
and added 'Master, what's the word
on that there lifeless turkeybird? '