Working My Way Through It All.... Poem by Emma Isdal

I feel empty. Divided. Halved.
The air seems thinner, its difficult to breathe.
A stone has lodged itself in
my stomach. It wont go away.

I need to tell you that I love you.
But I wont.
I need to feel your arms around me,
just one more time.
But I wont.
I need to feel your body next to mine,
your fingertips on my skin, your lips against mine.
I wont.

This is love. Love that will never amount to anything.
I wont dwell on it anymore. I wont nurture it, and I wont
let you nurture it. You might think that I have put
myself in this position. I havent. You said, 'I thought we had this amazing connection'. We did.
You also said 'If you want me to commit, I will'.
I did. I just couldnt say the words. But I guess
I somehow thought you did anyway.
And you have done nothing to make me think otherwise.
The e-mails I got....'I miss you, do you miss me? cant wait to see you...'
The phonecalls, the messages...why wouldnt I love you? ? ?
I know. Its all dumb anyway...

I feel empty. Divided. Halved.
The air seems thinner, its difficult to breathe.
A stone has lodged itself in my stomach. It wont go away.
I need to tell you that I love you.

I wont.