Your Call Is Very Important To Us (Or Why Some People Resort To Violence) Poem by Richard Randolph

Thank you for calling.
One of our friendly representatives
will be with you shortly.
Please stay on the line.

(Music plays.)

Did you know that the answers to many of your questions
can be found on our webpage: yyy.bureaulunacy.com?
That's yyy.bureaulunacy.com,
or you can talk to our automated help desk
by pressing 9 now.

(Same music continues.)

Due to unusually high call volume
wait times may be longer than usual.
There're currently twenty-seven callers ahead of you.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
You can wait, or you can press 1 now
and we'll call you back in the order
your call was received.

(Same music continues.)

Please have your sales receipt,
social security number, account number,
date of birth, grandmother's middle name,
the name of the representative you last spoke to,
date of your last call,
and the circumference of the Earth ready.
This will save time when you talk to one
of our helpful representatives.

(Same music continues.)

Please press 1 if you'd like to talk to someone in the Financial Department.
Press 2 if you'd like to talk to someone in Public Relations.
Press 3 if you would like to talk to someone in Member Services.
Press 4 if you'd just like to talk to someone,
or press 0 if you'd like to hear these options again.

(Same music continues.)

We're sorry, but our offices are currently closed.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Your call is very important to us.
Please call us during our regular business hours
8: 30 A.M. to 4: 00 P.M. Monday through Friday.

Goodbye!

(The line goes dead.)