Randy Johnson Poems

When I'm around people, they soon depart.
They don't like it because I constantly fart.
People always get offended because I pass gas.
I farted in front of Daddy and he kicked my ass.
...

An entire family is dead and I'm the one to blame.
I drove while I was drunk and I'm filled with shame.
I drank too much while I was in that bar.
It was a big mistake when I drove my car.
...

I need God as much as I need air.
Everyday of my life, he's been there.
I need God as much as I need to drink and eat.
If God is a part of your life, he'll make it complete.
...

She was a special girl but now she's gone.
...

Because of my stupidity A mother and daughter are no longer alive.
...

When it comes to love making, I'm pretty lousy.
Every time I bang my wife it makes her drowsy.
When we make love, I sure don't take her to Heaven.
The last time that she had an orgasm was 1997.
...

I found a little piece of Heaven at the pound.
I adopted the most adorable kitten in town.
He's solid white and he is so cute.
Buster is special and wonderful to boot.
...

You gave great performances on Are you being served.
You were very pretty and you had fantastic curves.
When it came to your talent, you had no bounds.
People are sad because you're no longer around.
...

He starred in North and South as a character who was mean.
The person who I'm talking about was David Carradine.
People loved to see this actor star as Shane.
I pity his family because they're in a lot of pain.
...

You were my best friend's dad.
The day you died was very sad.
You never said one unkind word to me.
I'm sorry that you didn't make it to the 21st century.
...