Heaven Can Wait Poem by Andy Brookes

So I'm standing at the Pearly gates, yeah I know strange huh but this is my dream so butt out,
As I was saying there I was outside Heaven and there's this dude standing there Armani suit the works and he's playing on a an i-pad he smiles
'With you in minute.' he says and carries on.
Well heaven, well I assume its heaven, is clouded over, unseeable, unknowable you know the kinda shit,
'God damn.' the man says there a short rumble of thunder
'Sorry God.' says the dude.Candy Crush.' He says by way of explanation there is a rumble of laughter this time.

'Welcome.' says the dude 'My names Pete and I will be your guide.
'You have.' He looks at his screen.'Been summoned to this establishment,
and I have to tell you, you are, well dead.'
' No shit Sherlock.' I say with out thinking but he acts like he's not heard me.
'So.' he says pressing buttons on the iPadand out comes heavenly music, organ swelling, choir you know the whole shebang

So I say ' Impressive dude.' but he just shrugs.
'Ever since the recession we've had to let the heavenly choir go. The Seraphim and Cherubim dabbling the celestial stock marketboom then crash and we're practically broke.'
OK so you think its blasphemy but its a dream so I can't be held responsible
'Anyhow.' The dude says, 'Peter, nice choice of first name.' he says, continuing 'John Percival.........
'Hey wait a minute.' I say 'That's not my name.' I have to admit I'm some what relieved at the same time.
'No.' he says 'Bugger me.' another roll of thunder, another apology'Since privatization things have gone to buggery.' more thunder.'Shoot.' Hesays 'Well officially you're dead mate, but these part-time angelsdon't give a damn, not like in the old days. They've set up a union see and are working to rule so we've had to use agency angelsand don't get me started onAdmin, looks like, well, your stuck in limbo, you can't come in and you can't go back.
so I say 'What do I do.? '
'Well you could sue but as Gods omnipotent and is never wrong I don't hold out much hope even if you appeal well He's the highest judge so either way you're stuffed.
At this point he slips through a small side gate and that's the last I see of him
'Oy.' I shout'Pete I can't just stay here.' But there's no reply so I start panicking I mean I like a joke like everyone else but this is no joke so I start yelling at the top of my lungs and yes you've guessed it that's where I woke up and I wonder just for a second was that real or a dream, I guessI'll not find out in this life time huh.