I Want To Live Poem by Gabriella Franco

Again, I'm found crying
In a room up the narrow
Seemingly never-ending stairs
With a pen in my hand

The hand isn't writing
Once again it's my heart
Writing the lyrics
To the off-beat drum in my chest

One more day, I can make it
But only just one more
Stregnth is fading fast
And so is my hope

Lost again, torn, confused
Bruised, broken, once again
A fallen deamon, only because
I couldn't even do THAT right

I tried a few times
To end it all
But i even screwed up
My suicide

So the marks on my body
Aren't so i die
They're because I love to live
But I don't know how

Cuts dont hurt
And neither does pain
When it's all you
ever feel

Falling hurts only
When it's my soul
And when, once again
I let them down

I can't handle the fakeness
The smiles and 'I'm fine's
I can't deal with the hatred
I have for myself

They say to love
They neighbor as thyself
But no.
I love my neighbor more.

Maybe if I get good grades
Maybe I'll value myself
Maybe if I find that guy
Maybe I'll love myself

I pray hard
And I lose myself again
I thought I could make it
This time

Is it my concience?
Cowardice? fear?
Am I naive?
My 'friends don't think so'

They think since
I've been 'through it all'
I must know a lot
Right?

No. I know nothing.
So as this blade cuts me again
It's not cause I want to die
It's because I want to live