My dog is a bit of a clown
He often pretends that he’s drowned
When I dive in to save
This mutt from the waves
...
My mother had a lovely war
Best time of her life
The months and days of ‘44
‘fore she became a wife
...
I’ve never needed enemies
Because I’ve got my mum
She tells me I’ve got saggy knees
And a big fat bum
...
A bought a tooth whitening kit
Because my gnashers were brown
It really was money for sh*t
Cos’ that chemical kit let me down
...
Whilst making a new shopping list
I realised that it was in rhyme
Not a purposeful thing, I insist
But randomly writing each line
...
I needed a stair lift for mum
But couldn’t afford very much
So I looked on e-Bay for some
And found this one stating thus:
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I used to sell hot tub spas
To folk with more money than sense
Then I tried selling bras
But didn’t get much recompense
...
My dad loved public houses
Mum would scream and shout
She used to hide his trousers
To stop him going out
...
I wish the reason could be known
To this mere mortal here
The secret must be God’s alone
One heaven cannot share
...