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Comments about this poem (0004 Chloe's Stories
by
Lori Boulard
) |
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comments about this poem (0004 Chloe's Stories by
Lori Boulard
)
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Don Mcwilliams
(3/6/2008 10:04:00 PM) |
Wonderful, Lori. Your work flows like music, like water over slick stones. And I prefer 'unlike me'. Again that word, but it just...flows. Poetry is not expected to abide so strictly by rules of grammar. Better that it should sing,
Don
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John Kay
(2/25/2008 8:27:00 AM) |
Lori...again, I'm taken with the natural flow of your words, which never seem stained. They are filled with confidence. When I first read this and thought about it, the first thing that suggested itself was changing 'brother' to 'mother, ' but I can't say yet whether one works better than the other. 'Mother, ' draws the narrator into the last line, but maybe that's too much. 'Brother' is cute, while 'mother' carries a heavier load. Just a thought. Take care, John
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THE LAST REMNANT OF SANITY BIDS YOU ADIEU
(2/23/2008 9:03:00 PM) |
One very nitpicky thing here, Lori - it's the English teacher in me....(my original major was English and I LIVE WITH AN ENGLISH/THEATRE ARTS TEACHER - yikes!) , but it should be 'unlike I, who sought[...]' Otherwise, again, a marvelous piece here. You're definitely on a roll, Girl. Off to kick some ass at Scrabble...thanks for sharing your work with me.
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Roger Cornish
(2/23/2008 5:15:00 PM) |
I love this..... gonna read some more!
Roger.
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