A Look Inside Poem by Dallas Carter

I wander the dark corridors of my mind
And as I go through them the loneliness kicks in.
I feel surrounded by something,
But what is it? I have no clue.

The air is thick, almost chocking me to death.
I want to cry for help, but I don't know how.
I need to get out of this house,
I need to find the front door.

Where's the escape route? The floor plans?
Doesn't every building have a fire evacuation layout?
I can't find one to this place,
There seems to be no way out of here.

An overwhelming fear passes over me
As I can't keep my legs from walking to the window.
I see them, but I don't want to.
My demons, my inner evils, with gnashing teeth.

They want in, inside my house, this house in my mind.
If I open the window, they'll crawl in.
If I ever find the door, and I manage to leave,
They'll chase me down and tear me apart.

As I continue to roam, I pass by the rooms.
Each room is filled with memories and feelings,
Their names labeled on the outside of their doors
Kind of like how a child puts a keep out sign on theirs.

Neglect lives in this one, all by herself.
Down a ways is an open door,
And as I come upon it I read Hope's name.
The window is open, a note on her bed.

And I can't keep myself from running in and slamming the window shut.
I lost Hope, she ran away.
Now I keep her door locked,
Because I can't stand the feeling of her absence.

But the room I hate most is at the end of the hall.
The door is always open, the lights all turned off.
I can feel him there, lurking just past the shadows.
This room is where Fear stays, feeding on me.

I don't want to walk past it,
Past Fear's room, but I have to.
I keep waking up on the second floor, but I sleep on the first floor,
And his room is right at the top of the stairs.

I run past, run down the stairs.
He laughs at me, I can feel it.
I feel something grab the back of my shirt as I get close to the landing.
I twist around to stare into her face.

She is the worst part of this house,
No, it is not a house, it is a prison.
I'm being held prisoner in my own mind.
And she is the prison keeper.

I stare into her empty eye sockets,
But as soon as I blink she's gone.
Now I'm falling, falling into a dark pit.
No, I'm not in a pit, I'm in my bed.

I look around at my room,
The closest thing in my mind to a safe haven.
My scriptures on the shelf,
The writing on the walls.

Years ago, when I built this house,
When Neglect and Hope and Fear moved in,
When the Dark settled in,
I wrote on the walls.

Verses from the Bible, from the Book,
Anything that I thought could ward off the Evil Spirits.
Whatever could ward off the Dark,
But she still haunts me.

In my room there's only one window,
But I boarded it up.
I couldn't leave it open, couldn't give my regrets a way in.
So the only light in my room comes from the lamps and candles.

There's a closet, too.
But sometimes I go in the closet,
And I get so lost in the thoughts
That I can't find my way back to the bedroom.

Truth is, my room isn't even my room.
This room is the spare bedroom,
I moved into it after Fear moved into my room.
Maybe that's why I keep waking up on that floor.

I need to find the front door,
But I have spent so long avoiding outside
That I don't remember where the front door is.
But if I do find it, will my demons see me leave?

I know where the back door is, but I can't go out it.
I opened it once, trying to leave this place,
But I almost fell off the cliff.
Right out the back door is my personal Tartarus.

I'm trapped in my own head, stuck in my thoughts.
I can't let anyone in, can't let them enter this Hell.
That's where I am, where I live.
I'm stuck here with no way out.

I need to get out, but I can't.
I need to find help, but there is none.
I need to heal, but the cuts are too deep.
I need an exorcist, but these demons will never leave me.