A Love Restricted Poem by Chantelle Nixon

What can I write? What can I say?
So tired, so sleepy... The teacher’s voice drones on and on
I can barely keep my eyes open
Heat has overcome me
A comfort like no other
A small voice hums through my head
“Sleep... sleep... sleep”
No distractions to come to my rescue
My mind starts to slip
I’m thinking up a dream
The first thing I see
His chocolate-colored eyes
They make me yearn for a cup of
Hot chocolate with marshmallows
His eyes are so delicious
The next thing I recall
His lips, so soft that the touch of them makes my body tremble
I lightly lick my lips,
Longing for the feel of his
I close my eyes, surrendering
My mind continues to wander
I reminisce of his physique
His character as he tells a story
I hear his laughing
I imagine his voice
“I love you, Chantelle”
How I must love this man
To be dreaming of him in class
I smile as I remember
The feel of him inside me
I instantly feel a wave of heat
Centered between my legs
I think of his voice in my ear
Demanding me to spell his name
I smile as my nipples awaken
Chills run up and down my spine
As I think of the feeling
Of his fingertips on my thighs
What is it about this man?
What makes me so crazy over him?
What makes me love him?
My mind recalls conversations
For hours on end about nothing and yet
Filled with happiness and content
As long as he was on the other end
I think of the concern in his eyes
Whenever a frown crosses my face
I think of the endless laughter –
He keeps me laughing so hard
I remember the advice given from his lips
I appreciate every word
I remember how he makes me feel
With him, I feel so alive
Like I feel everything at once
Love, lust, excitement, anger, confusion,
Fear, security, hunger, appealing – complete
He makes me more than what I am
Does that make sense?
I love him because he makes me
More than what I am
I wish I could shout it out
Over the rooftops
The clouds
The moon
The sun
How I love him so
But I can’t
My dreaming stops, and I open my eyes
I soak in the blank computer screen
Feeling the fluttering of my heart
Rapidly slow to a dull, solemn beat
I can’t run and tell
Of the newest love in my heart
It’s a secret
My lips are locked shut by
The golden band on his finger
And I look to the sky
Wanting to curse the Maker of my being
Why let me fall in love with
A love that can’t be mine?
A hopeless love – so incomplete
And I keep asking Him
Why me?
Why me?