A Very British Thing Poem by David Wood

The New Year's Honours list
Has with its regular absurdity,
And with many a wry twist,
Showered baubles on celebrity,
Athletes, pop singers: none were missed.

Peerages handed out with a splash
On an industrial scale to party donors
And party hacks does seem rather rash
And don't forget intrepid business owners
(And never let it be said, some even for cash) .

We need to balance this anachronistic
And tawdry system with such egregious
Recipients as Savile. We need something drastic.
We need something for the idiot notorious
Whose recipients would not be enthusiastic.

We need a Medal for Outstanding Stupidity
To be awarded to the great and the good
Only their stupid actions would be its validity
And this should be clearly understood
To win the Medal for Outstanding Stupidity.

There are so many that I could nominate
But to mention them by name I would be sued,
But we could all think of a few, none I'd eliminate,
Their stupidity makes us all so amused.
Those idiots in charge, even their names grate.

Most come from Eton and Harrow
And end up with a parliamentary seat
Their policies all short-term and narrow
And their stupidity makes them complete.
(As intelligent as a month old marrow) .

So let us institute this new medal
And get those in charge to all agree
And tell them not to interfere or meddle
With decisions made by you and me
On who to award the Medal of Outstanding Stupidity.