.
I saw the Doctor and
she saw me
she poked and prodded
listened and frowned
and told me at last
I have Bronchitis with Wheezing.
Now I thought just saying I had Bronchitis
would have been sufficient.
But apparently sound effects count.
That being so
I think the diagnosis should have been:
Bronchitis with Wheezing and Whistling and Gurgling and Almost Inaudible High-Pitched Dog Whistling and End-Of-Life Gasping.
You know what that means, don't you?
I am a walking Sound Effect.
Need a waterfall? Yep, that's me! PhlegmHawk. PhlegmHawk.
Need your dog called? I gotcha BarkBarkBarking covered.
Need it to sound like someone's taking their last gasp? Eeeeeeeeeep...
Need birds scared away? Oh-croaking-kay! Caw, Caw, Caw,
Need a machine-gun threatening the peace of the neighborhood? Ack... Ack, Ack... Ack, Ack, Ack.
Oh yeah, one more thing....
Doctor Lady was also happy to report
Strep Screen was negative
but.... but....
ARGH!
I also have Sinusitis, Sore Throat, Bronchospasm.
AND I am also a PND [a post-nasal drip]
- - yeah, I thought that was a pretty rude thing to call me too.
.
.
.....................................©2016 Susan Williams
..........................................Dec.19,2016
Well well, what have we here? First of all...anyone that writes poetry when they are this sick.....the Meds must be great! ...and...to have the bold courage to put the word phlegm accompanied with hawk just gives a 3-d meter to the poem....the sound effects were awesome and I must admit....this is the perfect man cave poem, I will put it on my garage fridge so maybe my guests will think twice before taking my last beer...all in all..great humor..great poem, nothing to sneeze at! Get better my friend: -) ...10+
Good! ! ! ! I get to hang out in a man cave! ! ! Well, at least my poem does- same thing, right? I hope this doesn't mean I get kicked out of the ladies' sewing circle. Your comment cracked me up. I enjoy your enjoyment! ! ! The 10 + is as good as a prescription!
Susan, I laughed my way through this whole piece. I LOVE the sound effects count, too line. Absolutely hilarious. How a poem with all of the various descriptors of phlegm and its attendant sound effects could come across so delightfully charming is a testament to your wonderful writing. Thank you for the great laugh, Susan! (hope you're doing better) :) S
It was so much fun to write! ! ! I call my humor poems " fluff" but doggone it, we humans need a chance to laugh often and well! ! ! Thank you, Soran, for reading my stuff and I hope you always find enjoyment! !
This poetry still has an effect on the reader even though you wrote it 4 years ago. It is a part of you as a poet, and it has artistic value as well. It is true that is a personal and daily issue but it is a wonderful piece of work as well. I hope you are better now and then it would be nice to read it for remembrance. 5 stars with thanks
Need birds scared away? Oh-croaking-kay! Caw, Caw, Caw, Need a machine-gun threatening the peace of the neighborhood? Ack... Ack, Ack... Ack, Ack, Ack.
WARNING! ! ! ! This poem was written in 2016 and posted during a more innocent age. This pandemic world will find nothing amusing in reading this now. Please go pick another selection from my library of poems and avoid the pain this poem might bring you amidst all the fear and panic and deep sorrow over the horrible amount of caskets in the world. God bless you and keep you, my friends.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
So much great humour in a topic that is so serious. I have to confess that when I read the title, I thought the poem might be about trains. I was surprised, and in a great way. Another perfect 10!
Glad the poem was enjoyable- laugh through life as much as you reasonably can is my motto.! If it made you laugh then I have my author's reward- -but of course I still like the 10! ! ! ! !