Always Doubt Poem by Dr Dj

To look in her eyes, I see a glimpse..
a fleeting feeling of love for a second
And then...
It creeps in..
Always wondering if it's dually felt
And Not a fool's, one sided illusion
Afraid of being toyed with
Not wanting to ask for fear...
Fear of what might be said...
More afraid of what might not be said...
Wondering if it's real and With constant Fear it's fleeting...
Am I just a temporary distraction for her? , for Her amusement when she's bored?
I'm just a willing substitute for what she really wants.
A facsimile, a poor replacement, of who she really wants.
She will never love you.
I know I'm being Toyed with, brought forth when she's really bored or lonely,
Then an amusement, to be giggled about with her friends. "can you believe this one? "
I Fear to be numb again.
Numb really is not so bad, it's not living, it's not dead, it's just... is,
At least I'll be free of all the Anguish, Free of all the Pain in my Heart, it's easier when it...
Just...
Shuts....
Down....