Anxiety Through My Eyes - Poem by Cindy Washington
Wake up, check my phone, ask Siri whats on my schedule for today
Siri: you have 2 classes today and the first starts at 9: 05am
My first thought: 'let's just get through it,
and then I can come back to my dorm room'
The safest place in the world. The place of isolation.
The place where thoughts of judgement and insecurities are quieted
The place where I can unload the thousand pounds that sits on my chest
On the bus to campus, earphones in my head, music playing
The lady to my right sneezes,
And it begins:
'She's going to get me sick! ',
'Would it be rude if I pulled out my hand sanitizer right now? '
The old man opposite me stares
And it continues:
'Why is he staring at me? '
'Is there something on my face? '
'would he tell me if there's something on my face? '
These thoughts blaring louder than the music playing in my ears
Huddled masses of students get off the bus and walk to their classes
I hear giggling from behind me
And it persists:
'Is there stuff on the back of my jeans? '
'I shouldn't of worn these jeans.'
'Why God did I wear these jeans! ? '
My route to class is carefully chosen
shortest distance with the least amount of people
I enter. I take my seat.
Front row in the corner. Eyes front.
I can't see the faces behind me
I dare not turn back, whilst the chance of actually making eye contact
The water-boarding equivalent to a socially anxious girl like me
I head to the bus
A friend yells 'Hey Cindy! '
I turn towards him and raise my suddenly stiffened arm to wave
And it endures:
'Put your hand down'
'Why are you waving? '
'He probably thinks you're a loser for waving'
My hand drops faster than lightning
Small talk: the gun choice of your enemies
I put down the backpack.
And I put down the thousand pound vest strapped to my chest
'I did it! '
Isolation, the only sound proofed to stop:
the insecurities, the worries, the voices that scream 'Help Me! '
This is my anxiety
Poet's Notes about The Poem
Comments about Anxiety Through My Eyes by Cindy Washington
Read this poem in other languages
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
Cindy Washington's Other Poems
Still I Rise
The Road Not Taken
If You Forget Me
Edgar Allan Poe
Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You