Anything Is Better Than This Poem by Selina Cobain

I know I must belong somewhere, I know I don't belong here
And I never failed to feel nothing but guilt and dreadful fear.
I guess I'm destined to feel loneliness in a room filled with my friends
And they'll See it in my face cause I'm too good to pretend. 
I drink my choice of poison, the one that helps me to forget
All of those haunting memories that are full of those regrets.
I swear to you this time it's different I won't mention her at all
It'll be easier this time around cause it'll soon turn into fall
And all those summer nights i spent with her as she infected my head
Will soon all disappear once I finish and I crawl in to my bed.
Maybe I'll quit it all tomorrow but I've said that one before
And I don't blame her for giving up and putting the locks on her door.
Some how I lost the little sanity I had left up  in side of me
 I look within my heart and soul, I swear you'd hate to see what I could see.
I had this cousin once who took her own life, with her own mothers scarf,
As her mother walked into the the kitchen her vision went completely dark. 
Seeing her only daughter's lifeless body turning completely blue.
She couldn't save her then and I couldn't help her even if I really knew,
When I heard what she had done I thought how selfish could I be,
For the only thought that ran through my head was ' I wish it would've   been me'
But it's okay we learn to grieve and we learn to forget the past
Forget the ones that you've once loved,  and forget what you once had.
So I cling to the only thing that I have ever known and own
And think about the seeds that Were planted and have  grown.
I'm only here to waste some time, and hope some one will finally stay.
But I guess I'm not so easy to love cause they all seem to run away.
Well that's okay, I'm sure there'll   be brighter days, the ones where the bright sun shines
And hopefully the sunshine will make it better, maybe the sunshine will make me blind.
Anything is better than this
Anything is better than this