Apologia Poem by Margaret Alice

Came home early, Tiaan looking angelic
in his schoolwear, Nici looking like a pixie,
me with a new book ‘The Ship That Flew’
because I loped off to the library in the rain
with the umbrella all new, much-too-big

Clutching my book, a talisman, remembering
my distress upon first becoming a Government
Official, how I found my niche by borrowing the
music of the opera ‘Carmen’ from the music
library, running down the street

Clutching the music score I felt like myself again;
another day I missed the bus reading ‘Thomasina’
by Paul Gallico – you angry when I got home late;
when I read ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand
my mind could not return

To present-day reality, you complained I had dived
to a cave under the sea and left you alone on the
beach, nowadays, making notes, keeping a diary,
I come and go between books and dreams
and routine acts with much more ease

Though much of what I present right here is just
for show, to hide the fear of trying to force my
mind into doing jobs I cannot do, creating the
impression that I earn my salary, though my
soul is heaving in my chest

I’ll read my book and just forget…