Apology To Jesus Poem by Brian Mayo

'Brian? '

(eyes firmly on keyboard) 'Ummm, yes? '

'What do you think you're doing? '

Brian is now 100% certain that God, The Creator of all Things, is standing directly behind him. When asked later, Brian would not be able to elucidate just WHY he knew it was God, but was adamant that if it ever happens to YOU, there will be no doubt in YOUR mind, either.

At this point Brian is trying to keep from voiding his bladder. He also must assume that God is looking over his shoulder and reading his latest poem (in progress) . 'I'm writing a poem, God.' (begins to turn in his chair) 'As you can see…'

GOD: 'DON'T TURN AROUND! Look at your poem... just keep looking at your poem. And what are you doing with your hand? Get your hand away from that mouse…'

BRIAN: 'Ummm, sorry, God.' (folds hands, puts them on knee.)

'You know, Bri, I've been reading your poems for quite a while, now. I think you'll agree you've portrayed me as doing and saying some pretty outrageous things, yes? '

(small voice) 'Yes God, I, I suppose I have…'

'Hey relax- -it's okay. Actually, I think you're kind of funny… Jesus, however… well that's another story. I'm afraid He's not as tolerant as He used to be. And He's not too happy with the rumor you started…'

Brian: (perplexed) 'Ummm, what rumor? '

'Oh, that little piece you wrote a few years back… He just got wind of it; the one where Lazarus gets resurrected, can't find his wallet... Then he accuses Jesus of stealing it, remember? '

Brian: (uncomfortable) 'Ahhh, yesssssss. Yes, that rings a bell.'

'Well, apparently your little story has been making the rounds in Heaven for several months… Everyone is giving Him HELL! He's really been taking a ribbing.'

Brian: 'Oh geez… I never meant…' (starts to cry)

GOD: 'It's okay, it's okay… don't get upset. It's just that He's a little touchy on the subject of stealing. Most people don't know this, but some of the silverware went missing from the Last Supper. Also, a Roman Centurion claimed to have found several spoons hidden in the folds of Jesus's robe during a routine, pre-crucifixion frisk. I should clarify- -no charges were ever filed and the case remains unsolved. Still, it's been bugging Jesus for 2000 years and your piece about Lazarus really opened a can of worms. Look, He just wants you to print a retraction, is all. Just make it clear you were joking, and maybe throw in an apology, for good measure. Jesus is big on apologies. Seriously- -He can forgive almost anything…'

Brian: (weeping openly) 'Oh my gosh…I AM sorry. I am so, SO sorry…! '

GOD: 'Hey, don't tell ME! - -And don't tell Jesus I was HERE, either. If He finds out I interfered, we're both DEAD! '