Attacker Poem by toxicity ryan adams

twisting and turning
being dragged it seems
but by what
and what through
who is my attacker
where is he taking me

my attacker is me
i attack myself
with knives and daggers
fire and razorblades

when the blade pulls
across my skin
i feel heat
then relief
then the pain

when the pain comes
i scream loudly
i turn up the music
so you cant hear me
i just scream louder

the pain subsides
my screams turn to whispers
responding to the voices
in my head
telling me do it again

so i take out a lighter
i hold the flame
to my skin
untill it blackens
and red liquid drains

the voices say
turn the music louder
dont let them hear you
you deserve the pain
you know you do

and i know i do
i deserve pain
excruciating pain
i need it so bad
i crave it so much
as i pull the blade across again