Auntie May Hates Telephones Poem by Charlotte Peters Rock

Auntie May - a housekeeper - explained
When I was young there was no telephone
well not in our house nor in those around
but keeping up the seaside house for Lady M
I had to learn to use it on my own

Sometimes in the hall it rang and rang
I had to learn to put it to my ear
so Lady M could say 'We're down next week
There will be eight of us - to eat Prepare four rooms'
I'd say 'Yes of course' then shake in fear

I don't know what came over me at all
I sometimes left it howling off the hook
Then Lady M would send a postcard down
'Dear Mrs H I tried to ring you once or twice
Order lamb and beef and pork to cook'

I hate telephones They make me deaf
They startle me and make my head spin round
People ask me questions I just worry
Last week a voice said 'Uncle Jack How are you May? '
Well he's abroad I put the phone down

06Apr1997 CPR