Believe In Yourself Poem by Aishya Helm

Why did I have to hurt so much, and for you to still not hear me, I guess I didn't cry it very clearly.

Why did you have to leave every time. It left me worried and weary. I blamed her so many times, said it was her fault you weren't here.

She made you leave! Why would she do that, it wasn't fair. But I would apologize because I only blamed mom because she had the answers and you just weren't here.

Why is every memory I have of you the hardest ones, why are they some of the scariest or the angriest why are they the ones I wish I could have gone back and undone.

Why

Why did I make you so special, why were you everything the world could never take down.

Why did I put you that high just to fall and make you look more like a clown.

Why

Why would you rather leave me crying wondering why you've been lying. Why didn't I just give up and walk away, well, I bet it's because I couldn't do much but love while being that young.

Why

Why would you rather see your life lost, like you know yourself, but most of my life knowing you, you weren't there for yourself. I get it now, I wish I could have done better. Because I would have gladly wrote that letter.

"Dear Bad Things, go away and let us be happy. Leave my dad alone and go ruin someone else's home and family."

I know it's not my fault but I would have been there had I known the struggle, I would have taken as much as I could have off yours shoulders because in my eyes you were always better, and I had every rebuttal.

All I wanted was to love you because you were a part of me, our family, that portrait of us that I thought meant so much but turned out to be..just another lie you went along with for the sake of..what? Living a fantasy instead of reality? My youngest years you made my World War III.

Why

You had super powers back then, that tank had NOTHING on you and you had the medals to prove you were a hero not a zero, running that track like lightning, and another one bites the dust. You were so beyond cool that I would wake up happy going to school because I couldn't wait to show you off.

The greatest dad ever found! Just like Logan, you were made of metal and every foe that came at you, I knew you'd lay down.

I love what you taught me,

"Keep your chin up, make every day good! "

And then I started writing which made you so proud and that's funny because at one point I stopped thinking I ever would.

Keep running, keep running, that blue ribbon didn't mean much. I didn't even think you were proud of me then because for some reason you were there for that, but not every single win.

I thought I wasn't good enough, I thought that pipe and the crack you liked to fall through would always be the pendulum swinging between the two of us. What you don't understand is that every single time, I'm the one who took that blade.

You made the mistake, but I didn't care, because even at that young I know there was something hanging heavily on your shoulders and I didn't think that was fair.

See that's because you're my dad and i would say to myself,

" no matter how angry you still are, you can't let anything stop him because you refuse to not care! ! "

What you don't get is that I've only seen you hurt yourself more than anything or anyone else.

I've been paying attention; the oldest of the three of us, probably doesn't want anything to do with you because that's the past she just got rehab from and she doesn't want to fall off that cliff again and start using because that's the only you she knew.

The middle one? She doesn't even consider you her real dad anymore, because when you had the chance to give it your all you walked out of her life like it was just a chore, you said you'd do it, but she's grown and for some reason you didn't think it would hurt her?

And me, you just didn't listen. Yes, you're really oblivious, like you don't care enough to pay attention? I stopped trusting, I no longer cared about what you had to say because in the end I'd start caring too much again and just like that,

POOF! ! !

you would disappear like smoke and run away.

You're everything more than you could ever know and that's where the three of us put you. You were our protector, the one who beat someone that ever tried to do us harm. You're that goofy dad, who can always make anyone laugh you just have that charm. Supposed to walk us down the isle when the time would come.

Sadly I'm the only one that's gotten to see the good, the bad, the sad, the hurt and anger. I've seen it all, and maybe that's why I get right back up every time you let me fall, but maybe that wasn't fair; to put you so high when you were never up there

After all I've done and how long I've stuck around I'm still here because I think I'm the only daughter who refuses to give up on you now.

I think only God can help you, because he's taught me that I can no longer be mad at you. I've been mad my whole life and it still didn't get through to you, so even though I was mad instead I prayed for you every night. The more I prayed. The more you were here, he helped me keep loving you because the more I had faith, the more I got to see my real dad, the one I had always kept in here.

So the real question is, with all the love and hurt in my heart, everything you've done, the world aside from itself.

Dad, why did you show me that you couldn't do the one thing you always told me.

Believe in yourself?