Car Ride Poem by Hyde

my past it brings me nightmares
when i am alone in the dark.
but everyday i must face them
whenever i enter a car.
intwined with the silence, is screaming and crying
visions of blood and shattered glass fill my head.
my knuckles whiten at every car that passes
but in my mind it see it swerve and smash against us.
the hood crumpling beneath the blow
the useless airbags shooting out.
the thud of your head against the wheel
the horn blaring obnoxiously.
me whispering your name
and waiting on your reply.
but getting no answer
once again.
but i always shake it away
i have to, because i have to hold my image,
because this is not supposed to happen,
i’m supposed to be fine and of without rancid thoughts.
because if i told you what went through my mind
you’d look at me so differently.
to counseling you would send me.
but i have already expressed this has no effect on me,
it just piles up your bills, filling my heart with shame and guilt.
so i’m closing up shop,
i’m shutting down my mental state.

and maybe someday
i’ll break free.