hasmukh amathalal

Gold Star - 10,275 Points (17/05/1947 / Vadali, Dist: - sabarkantha, Gujarat, India)

City Night

Night become day with flash light
The life become alive to offer delight
The whole of city comes to sudden movement
Silver spoons exchange place at the moment

Day’s tiredness is off for an entertainment
Girls make floor dance for enjoyment
The foreign liquor is flowing like water
As if the time is uncertain and going to alter

Yes in some parts of city, slum life comes to rest
Their existence is at stake even after proves hard tests
They lay on floor with bare minimum square meal
The luxury at five star hotels makes sweet deal

The flesh is on open sale and prize tag is put
The humanity is on cry and size is cut
No one is here for caring one another
Life is truly a challenge for stranger

Money is spent and entertainment is sought
No attention is paid and eyes are caught
Everybody is busy with human pursuits
As it suits their lust and serves the best

So city life is different
Day may be remaining dull and absent
Night bring about full change
Even in darkness it is well managed

Submitted: Saturday, January 11, 2014
Edited: Monday, January 13, 2014
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  • Gold Star - 10,275 Points Mehta Hasmukh Amathalal (1/11/2014 8:27:00 PM)

    Strange word use

    Jessie Ennans5 minutes ago
    I liked the different ways you used your words, but in some places it feels awkward, Their existence is at stake even after proves hard tests. It feels like you were forcing that thought to try and fit, and this is what happened.

    Also, the poem feels dry, and distant from the life it describes. It's a matter-of-fact kind of poem, which may have been your intention, but for the reader, it feels like it denies us a journey into the underbelly of city night life. (Report) Reply

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