Demanding Selfishness Poem by Dakota Ellerton

She came through life and darkness, to settle in confusion, nesting in my mind to spark every wire. Wild fires breaking lose setting the heart a flame, my chest began to race with every inch of flesh she’d left uncovered, her fingers like blades, razoring across my skin - leaving marks of blood and love clawed into my back and chest and stomach.

Her eyes pierced through me like swords plunged into my heart, proven to an ending beat, she’d become a sign of hopelessness. Everything I wanted, but could never have; I’d lose too much to get her, I’d not keep her once she was mine. Without understanding I’d still watch her dance around me, her body would fall into my selfish hands, and I would want to hold her, to take her to my bed, to love her - if only for a night.

I’d make love to her, without the consideration of innocence, I’d hang every resemblance of diginity and faithfulness. To worry those who worried for her, to wonder why she’d be late returning home, I’d keep her mine until the night were through, to love her and have her fall in love with me, until we were unable to move. I’d kiss and suck and bite every inch of her body, until she could feel as beautiful and desiring, as I saw her in that moment, in the moments before she was mine and the moments after she would be.

I clung to the belief I’d love her and love all else, for as long as need be, until she’d gotten well, as I slipped deeper into sickness. But I could not love, could never love. Infinity embraced that acceptance, and dreaded the days my heart would come and cling through my bedroom door, it’d talk to me, and tell me how it was. I nearly think my heart missed being so far away, but quickly casts the thoughts aside.

I could never have that girl, never ruin her; something so fragile and loving, I’d surely regret it. Still… my dreams will remain my own.