Depression Poem by D.N. Rebb

I thought the path would lead to a more familiar purpose
Wandering in silence; alone
I used to enjoy the soundtrack of the birds,
The freshness of the sun,
Or that familiar scent of spring morning dew
There were hopes and dreams
This new mind, now empty,
Has forgotten how to really smile,
How to enjoy life,
How to survive
It's now just trudging
Not necessarily looking for fellowship,
But at least a bit of joy

I closed my eyes
Kept them closed for some time
Thought I would see some logical truth,
Some reality
My mind envisioned dazzling sunlight
Like a tribal deity
Full of knowledge,
Who would instill this wisdom?
When I again opened them,
I wasn't on any path,
Nor on any glaring mission
The light was just the television
Babbling something I didn't care about
Why was I still there?

I went on another walk
This time with intent
A purport to get lost
Kept turning around to ensure no one was following
No one was trying to stop me
Yet, perhaps, hoping for some cease
Ironic, isn't it?
When I finally did lose all my bearings
I stood alone in the forest
A quiet, dense woodland
Here, no one found me

I came upon an old well
How long has this reservoir existed?
Like a child, I stuck my head inside and yelled, ‘Hello! '
It ‘Lo'ed' back
The scent of moldy dampness filled the nostrils
Somehow it was soothing
How deep could this well be?
So, I descended
There was no one there to enquire
Halfway down, I felt the need to holler
Though, no desire for pitiable aid
Thus, further down we go,
Where elusive help isn't hailed
No rope could reach
No words would ease
And hence, there I stayed

Ever catch the reflection of eyes at the bottom of the glass?
It's startling, isn't it?
A self-judgmental gaze
We never tell ourselves we've had enough
And we surely despise anyone else weighing in
A crutch supports
A crutch supports
Take it away, and we all fall down

When the only one I talk to,
Is myself
And I tell myself
Self, you're wrong
Then,
I have nothing further to say
There's nothing more to add
A fight surrendered
To whom though?
I don't know,
And why surrender?

So,
Good-bye seems too cheerful
Yet,
Good-bye!