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(April 28,1992 / Philippines)

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Don't Look For Me

Do not look for me.
For I have not yet forgotten.
I have not sent the epistles
To oblivion just yet,
So don’t look for me.

Do not look for me,
In the hours emblazoned
At the stark hands of
The clocks.
I have not yet comprehended
How time works,
How the inert energies
Tell squalid abandonment,
Loss with no reprieve,
Nor the indictment of the
Moon,
And so, please.
Do not look for me.

I am still.
I am the waters that break
In respite.

Do not look for me
In the hours where
I try to restore myself
In this world of delinquents
And insurgents.
Do not smite me
With the insipid naivety
That you always
Vie for:
That I am most encumbered.

I have long been
Trying to exhilarate
Myself in your furlough
But you always tinker
With trifle sordid restive
Hands.
Is this how it works?
Am I a glass
That you let break?
That you let shatter?
I’ve only one verve to carouse in,
So please, do not look for me
Only if you mean to
Decipher how to deliver me
To my demise
And not how to traverse
This labyrinth with me.

And so do not look for me
With eyes shut.
Do not look for me
With a mouth that reeks
Of pungent derision.
Do not look for me
With feet that tremulously
Wander through my shambled skin.
Do not look for me
With a heart that shudders
To speak
And splinters when it does
What it is supposed to do.

Look for me
Only if you intend to
Keep me like the trite
City buoy
Or the downtrodden tryst
That you always prattle about,
Seeing me in the afternoon
With the air tousling your hair
Into my direction.

But if not,
Please, I beg you.
Do not look for me.
This would not avail
Acquittal.

Submitted: Saturday, December 17, 2011


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