Doubts Poem by Ilari Rahja

Another night alone.
I was doomed to spend.
Watch, yet again.
Evening's linger.

Its drawn-out game.
With my notes, I stirred the air.
Caused, a candle's wisp.
With it, soothed the night.

Keen, cold was its plight.
As I listened.
Immersed myself.
In a whispered melody.

Experienced.
The gathering of flames
Tenderly playing upon my space.
As walls slowly bent around - Closed in.

The ceiling plunged.
Fell upon me!
Caved in!
Buried with its weight.

My entire innocence.
Trapped that everlasting hope.
With tons of despair.
Darkness, withering hate.

Witless thought.
Into which, I bought somehow.
With restlessness - I stirred.
Rest of the night.

Round and round - I watched.
Wandered upon it.
Tasted, sampled the brew.
Of my vanishing thought.

Changed its melody.
From threat, to sadness.
Into lamentation.
It was altered.

A prelude onto something then?

Or a mere afterthought.
Doth I consider again?
The courses, I have taken.
Their gains, losses and pains.

Melancholies, I paced.
Forth, back - Around again!
Crazed with wishes.
Its madness arose.

How, to value a life?
Accomplishment.
When naught, so far.
It has brought?

Who sets its measure?
Sees, its purpose.
Realizes, the final thought.
Treasures, its worth.

Balances fame, riches made.
With those very same wishes.
Faded memories, of youth.
Soon whisked away and forgotten.

For profit betrayed and lost.

So then, my friend.
How do you measure?
A man's worth.
How then, my liege?

Shall I pay, for my soul.
With spirit or with money?
Material gain, I offer thee.
And - If so bought?

What could it yield?
What shall become of me?
Where would I tie my being.
Eternal destiny.

Refused this.
What then, could be found?
If I sacrificed.
Retained my prospect of pride.

Remember, friend.
That a man always.
Avoiding, fearing!
Would be.

Just inviting thee - Abyss!

Any omen, disaster.
Ill chance or mere woe!
To befall him.
Thus forever perched...

Accursed! Doomed! !
To teeter - Tooter on a brink of one.