I drive
My hands tremble
The wheel shakes between my sweaty palms and lifeless fingers
Pressure in my head builds
I clench my teeth for a moment before another cry forces its way from my suffocating lungs
Into this silence among all the noise
Into this void
Into this lonely cage of metal, glass, and gasoline
I recount my actions
I recount my thoughts
And in the midst of all this mess
I think of—
I regret
How was I to know
How can we overcome this
I want to
I want to resolve everything, but it is not in my hands
The only person who can move now is—
I wonder
If somewhere in this slice of surreality
You feel this too
That somewhere else tears stain your cheeks like they do mine
Though I would never wish this hellish thing on you
For I have only ever loved you and wished you the best in all of life
Shall you live wholly as I walk in part
For a larger part of me will always walk with you
Is this impasse too deep to overcome
All seemed right, even after our end
Where did we go wrong
Where do we go from here
Do we forfeit all
Do we leave behind a love so transcendent
It was more real than life itself and I would leave life to chase it
It is enough to sustain life
What is life without—
I crave a simple life and a simple love
Where all that matters is that we are
The rest we can figure out
Just me and—
I close my eyes tight
My head aches
The tears continue flooding out
I am strong but now made so weak
I struggle to open my eyes
As I do, the traffic lights become an array of watercolor webs
Through my kaleidoscope of tears
It is too much for even I to comprehend in my own humanity
This pain speaks a million thoughts
And a million more memories that demand to be relived all at once
It is trying to glimpse the whole of one's life, mind, and heart in a single moment
It crushes me
I'm tired
My hand begins to slip
And these tires of mine and of my cage
Drift me off to sleep once more
The worries disappear
The nightmare ends
And these blurry lights and loud noises all seem to me white noise
As they welcome me into a lasting dream I will live in forever
Life with— was better than any dream
But a dream with— is far better than any reality without—
You
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Wow! This is powerful! Such remorse at a love gone wrong! And you leave the reader wondering if you are going to fall asleep at the wheel! A ten from me.