Filling Me With Doubts Poem by Kimberly Lindsey

You are scaring me now, with your conditions and terms,
I don’t know what to think, but what I think is not good.
You say that you love me more, than any other you’ve loved.
You will love me unconditionally till the day you die.

Then you say, around my family, don’t use the “L” word.
You say, you have your reasons, and will explain it later.
But you have yet to do so, and my mind is racing to and fro,
Trying to come up with a plausible reason, and coming up with nil.

What I am supposed to think? What am I suppose to feel?
Is this supposed to be okay? Are you just playing a game?
Is your love real? Am I a fool, again? Can there be a reason, why?
I am afraid to hear the answer, but need to know the reason, not a lie.

My heart is scarred, and I am fragile, in this area of life.
I went through hell for six years, and loved that man more than my own life.
If life is going to be hell, with lies, games and abuse,
I will live it with him, at least then, I know what to do.

If I have to live in misery the known is better than the not,
If misery is all I am getting, something must change,
Perhaps, no man in my life would be worth the exchange.
Alone is misery, but alone and misery together, is much worse.

So, tell me now, and tell me true, do you love me, or don’t you?
Do you love me or are you punishing me?
Are you afraid, I will not be what you imagine?
That I will not measure up to your standards?
That your family will not approve? That I am not all that you want?
Are you afraid I will not be pretty enough? That I will not be thin enough?
That I will not be ….enough? What is it…. Be honest, I am a woman, just tell me.

You can say, I have been thinking, and I am you giving one last out.
If you have any doubts, or don’t want to be with me, or don’t want to go to Dallas
Let me know now…. I bought my ticket, and we leave in one week, and say this now?

Yes, you are scaring me, you are filling me with doubts.