I sit alone on my bed,
lights out..
I should be sleeping but I can't..
Knowing that you're here,
that I'm not safe from you, still.
You're free to come back and hurt me.
Tired of the fight almost everyday,
I'll let you.
Praying through it all,
hoping that I'll still have the strength to get up
another day a fake a smile.
Hearing your foot steps,
I jump up....
watching the door,
you peak your head in my room.
Your features are different,
not the same as usual...
That only frightens me more...
You let yourself in, closing the door behind you.
I watch you come closer to me...
Holding the cover tighter to my body.
You kneel on your knees,
laying your head in my lap....
crying...
Not knowing what to do,
I stare...
Your sobs disgusting me...
Your tears, seeping through my clothes...
burning my skin...
Yet, I can't push you away...
Why? ...
I hate you...
But still my heart feels heavy for you....
'Do onto those as you wish to be done onto you.'
That rings in my ear...
So I embrace my rapist...
The man who's hurt me repeatedly...
knowing the wrong in his actions...
No words were said...
I wouldn't have had it anyother way..
After hours of me comforting you(r) ....
sorrow, self pitty...guilt? ....
You stand up, and back away...
looking me in my eyes...
Shaking your head...
saying aloud,
' I don't know what's wrong with me, '
I can't say anything...
so I just look,
you then pull a gun from your pants....
my eyes bulge...
my heart rate speeds up...
palms getting sweaty...
I try to say your name aloud...
nothing comes out....
You hold the gun out to me...but I shake me head...
'no, '
is all i can bare to whisper...
nodding, you say,
' I'm sorry.... forgive me? '
Nodding my head.....shutting my eyes tight...
I whisper..
'I do, '
Hearing your body hit the ground....
my eyes open...
'So am I, '
I say...
Waking up the next morning..
thinking it was all a dream...
stretched out of bed..
I look down and see my feet in a puddle of blood....
It's true....
I am free.
~This really happened.
I wrote it a few years back, just deciding to post it
i could sense the confusion at that moment i could feel the sorrow i could see the red color good poem~
WOW! It takes a lot of strength to survive something like that and even more guts to put your emotions out there for the world to see. I am real proud of you! very beautiful poem! !
honestly speaking, at first sight I said to myself I would read a few lines but just as I read the first two lines I changed my mind.your poem is shockingly pathetic, full of emotions, pains, pleasures, it is a mixture of good and bad things, a swaying piece you become lost whilst in reading, very tender poem.
It was with a psyciscal since of detachment in looking down into the words instead flowing with them that I read these slow paced lines..to use the gun...on my self or the other..what did not happen that should have...what should not have happened that did..and in the end knowing...the beginning..will forever flow..like you...onto the raft of regret...iip
your poem is a fantastic write....its simply breath taking! great work....i dont have words...keep it up!
Yeah, it's so long.... but still it good how many times that you need to write it?
hey girl, i have been there its really hard to write about, but its so poweful it just pulls you in and wont let you out. im glad you made it. i adore this poem
This is a very powerful poem with alot of emotion. The way you describe this situation is stunning and makes the reader feel remorse that you were put in that position. A great poem
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
You bring the true meaning in not judging a book by it's cover karman... very couragous indeed you are. thanks for sharing. (hey, I guess we can talk, if you'd still like) but don't expect me to be nice. anywho, 10 from me deary