For my Mama- gone but not forgotten
Gone so long, but never forgotten
Almost fifteen years have passed
Seems like a lifetime
It is, the good half of mine.
It is the half in which I had you,
Where my days were filled with unconditional love and support.
Even the craziest of my dreams, I would hear you say “why Not”
You were always there…
Ready for anything …
Always there…breakfast, lunch and supper.
We would rush home from school knowing you there waiting, with arms open wide, welcoming us home and thanking God its in one piece!
I remember in those days how easy sleep came after you placed your hands on our heads and prayed to God for our safety.
As I listened to you plead for our health and happiness, I have never felt safer …it’s as if God Almighty himself had placed his hand on my forehead!
And then you were GONE!
And all that wonderful, warm light that was our safe and sheltered life was swallowed and shattered by the darkest of darks!
Nothing made sense.
Anger almost destroying, the very foundation of your lessons taught with love!
In these dark and empty days, I felt like you and God had abandoned me!
“What kind of cruel God would rip a mother away from her young children, when they already had no father? ”
Questions like these drove me insane.
I got sucked in…disappeared…lost myself, in this blurred haze, which was my so called life.
In these crazy days…drugged up existence, I lived my worst fears….not remembering you! Every memory of you was distorted…your face unrecognizable…and this drove me over the edge!
But in all this riotous silence I heard your voice…and I felt your hands reach into the darkness and drag me into the light, enveloping me in your embrace …holding me tightly against your bossom. Your voice reminding me “I am your mother! I will always be here and here! ” as you point to my head and my heart….gone so long, but never forgotten!
Almost fifteen years since I had the privilege of looking at you, but the image of you still so fresh as if I had seen and touched your face just yesterday. From the perfect shaped eyebrows and the sharp bridge and tip of your nose, to the mole below it! Your ivory skin contrasted against the pitch black of your hair…flowing like silk, down to your back.
I relive every conversation and little things you said, which back then I could not relate to, but now I treasure! All the tiny bits of advice seemed then to mature; now all makes perfect sense!
It’s as if you knew, you wouldn’t be around all our lives…and went about preparing us for that time…a life...without you! Gone so long …but never forgotten!
I know now after everything experienced…the good and the bad…you have never really been gone… you have always been here with me.
In simple decisions, I hear your opinion…in the more difficult ones…I ask myself “how would mommy handle this? ”
Your character and strength has always been an inspiration to me and it remains my ultimate goal. I aspire to be just like you…you are my hero!
Self-sufficient…faith so strong…one whole individual, not needing anyone to define me!
And when God blesses me with a child, I pray I can instill the same values with respect and love!
Mommy I thank you….I thank you for the woman I am today…and for everything!
You remain alive in our hearts …and even if fifty years passes us by …you hold the most influence in my life!
Gone so long…but never forgotten!
I love you mommy and hope I make you proud!
Shaakiera Schroeder's Other Poems
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