omar ibrahim

Rookie (16/9/1994 / cairo / Egypt)

forget me not

Forget-me-not, I felt how fair you be
the pleasing mien of you still haunts my eyes
though I must stay away from where love lies
so many flies they make it hard to see

oh, God has made a flower very fair
your petals are too shiny for a bloom
that God may let you clear the hatred gloom
and splay your scent of peace toward the air

so why do you always forget what's due?
am I so bad that I shall not find you?

Forget-me-not~=~a type of flower
form: iambic pentameter,2 quatrains and a couplet

Omar Ibrahim, June,2010

Submitted: Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Edited: Saturday, September 18, 2010

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Comments about this poem (forget me not by omar ibrahim )

  • Rookie - 5 Points Derek Haughton (12/9/2011 5:37:00 AM)

    Again, a good attempt at the set form, it follows the script precisely, and shows how difficult it can be to get it right.

    'I felt how fair you be.' This phrase could only be acceptable in the mouth of a comedic peasant! What 'flies' make it hard to see, in the context of the poem? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Siddartha Montik (8/23/2011 8:20:00 AM)

    well written, Nature's daily blossom expressed in Flowers, yes slowl revealings thru the dew of early mornings! yes for a 9! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 2 Points Louis Cecile (9/20/2010 7:16:00 AM)

    I concur the ending is very strong and makes the good poem. Excellent work. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Apathetic Genius (9/5/2010 5:32:00 PM)

    well done! I like it (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Duke Sekhon (9/1/2010 6:09:00 AM)

    Nice poem. Flowers are nature's short-lived but frolicking children which delight mankind a while by fluttering their multifarious hues (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Jenny Gordon (8/28/2010 3:51:00 PM)

    Very nicely done. The rythm is just slightly messed up in the couplet, since always is usually accented on the first syllable. Again, I like your similes. Yet it is deep enough to make me ponder what you mean. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mackenzie Keane (8/4/2010 11:48:00 AM)

    Alluring and two favorite words. I loved it :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Grace Gardiner (7/31/2010 12:49:00 PM)

    Simply amazing.
    Very serene....i love it :) (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 25,827 Points Mehta Hasmukh Amathalal (7/28/2010 4:17:00 AM)

    so why do you always forget what's due?
    am I so bad that I shall not find you? .....nice n to be remembered//////10 (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Lynn Glover (7/27/2010 6:33:00 PM)

    I'am very impressed by this poem being written by someone so young. You have done an excellent job. Keep up the good work. Lynn (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Denise Bekker ~* The Sound *~ (7/27/2010 10:12:00 AM)

    A well expressed poem. Good poetic language, well done; D (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Samantha Collins (7/26/2010 6:30:00 PM)

    wonderful poem.

    favorite lines:
    'so why do you always forget what's due?
    am I so bad that I shall not find you? '

    reallly does good to the poem.

    keeep writting! (: (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Okan Emanet (7/25/2010 3:45:00 PM)

    Soon after reading such a wonderful poem, I have become paralyzed.... The name of the poem really affected me... A great masterpiece... (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 2,106 Points Hans Vr (7/25/2010 10:26:00 AM)

    Very good poem. A pleasure to read, like music. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Afzal Shauq (7/24/2010 7:20:00 PM)

    vely write with good idea..liked it..well done 10/10 (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Adamyan (7/24/2010 12:55:00 PM)

    every word is on its place. and together it`s a very fine poem that i liked a lot! smart, quite, but still romantic (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 13 Points Prince Obed de la Cruz (7/2/2010 10:25:00 AM)

    you write like an old man here! wow... big boom improvement in wordings dear sir! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Merna Ibrahim (7/1/2010 8:09:00 PM)

    This is very good my friend and I love the form =) 10 from Merna: P ;) ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kuji Soliman (7/1/2010 6:46:00 AM)

    The best poem you've written yet! :) I love it! !
    Thanx for the invite i'll go write some poems myself it's been a while! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mohammed Hassan (6/30/2010 7:54:00 PM)

    thank you omar for sharing
    i read this poem many times i like it, and i like your thoughts good bliss you my friend (Report) Reply

Read all 22 comments »

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