omar ibrahim

Rookie (16/9/1994 / cairo / Egypt)

forget me not


Forget-me-not, I felt how fair you be
the pleasing mien of you still haunts my eyes
though I must stay away from where love lies
so many flies they make it hard to see

oh, God has made a flower very fair
your petals are too shiny for a bloom
that God may let you clear the hatred gloom
and splay your scent of peace toward the air

so why do you always forget what's due?
am I so bad that I shall not find you?



Forget-me-not~=~a type of flower
form: iambic pentameter,2 quatrains and a couplet


Omar Ibrahim, June,2010
omaribrahim-keats@hotmail.com

Submitted: Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Edited: Saturday, September 18, 2010

Form:


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  • Rookie - 5 Points Derek Haughton (12/9/2011 5:37:00 AM)

    Again, a good attempt at the set form, it follows the script precisely, and shows how difficult it can be to get it right.

    'I felt how fair you be.' This phrase could only be acceptable in the mouth of a comedic peasant! What 'flies' make it hard to see, in the context of the poem? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Siddartha Montik (8/23/2011 8:20:00 AM)

    well written, Nature's daily blossom expressed in Flowers, yes slowl revealings thru the dew of early mornings! yes for a 9! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Duke Sekhon (9/1/2010 6:09:00 AM)

    Nice poem. Flowers are nature's short-lived but frolicking children which delight mankind a while by fluttering their multifarious hues (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Jenny Gordon (8/28/2010 3:51:00 PM)

    Very nicely done. The rythm is just slightly messed up in the couplet, since always is usually accented on the first syllable. Again, I like your similes. Yet it is deep enough to make me ponder what you mean. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Lynn Glover (7/27/2010 6:33:00 PM)

    I'am very impressed by this poem being written by someone so young. You have done an excellent job. Keep up the good work. Lynn (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Samantha Collins (7/26/2010 6:30:00 PM)

    wonderful poem.

    favorite lines:
    'so why do you always forget what's due?
    am I so bad that I shall not find you? '

    reallly does good to the poem.

    keeep writting! (: (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Okan Emanet (7/25/2010 3:45:00 PM)

    Soon after reading such a wonderful poem, I have become paralyzed.... The name of the poem really affected me... A great masterpiece... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kuji Soliman (7/1/2010 6:46:00 AM)

    The best poem you've written yet! :) I love it! !
    Thanx for the invite i'll go write some poems myself it's been a while! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mohammed Hassan (6/30/2010 7:54:00 PM)

    thank you omar for sharing
    i read this poem many times i like it, and i like your thoughts good bliss you my friend (Report) Reply

Read all 22 comments »

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