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The unsteady familiar rhythm of known voices
Like some haunting siren song suffocates
My thoughts.Deep within the darkness of
The cave lies a punctured genesis.
With two voices piercing each other
I watched the changing scenes
And, in pure macho fashion, the rib was silenced.
Dzekashu Macviban
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8.0
/10
(1 votes) |
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Click here to write your comments about this poem (Genesis by Dzekashu Macviban)
Alycia Hogenmiller (2/18/2008 12:25:00 PM)
I agree.
The first few lines are really good imagery.
As I said with your other poems,
if you put more work and thought into it,
your poems could be great.
I feel as if you think a lot about the first few lines but then exhaust at the end.
But use what you did at the beginning and imply that at the end of your poem as well to leave your reader with a 'Wow' effect. |
Lime and Tequila with a Splash of Pineapple (2/9/2008 11:18:00 PM)
A quite interesting poem to read, I really enjoyed the first couple lines, a moving image. |
Read all 2 comments >>
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