Ghost Of A Past Loved Life Poem by Joshua Mccoy

I lay in wrinkled sheets of tossing and turning sleep
Unable to rest
Troubled by a conscious of pure despair over the nightmare that took my joyous reality into its unrelenting grip
And twisted it without mercy
A blaze that made the shadows shriek in protest and sent firefighters scurrying among burning timbers like mice, took the hopes
Dreams
Love and life of someone precious to me
The soul of my baby sister…

My breathing becomes steady and my eyelids slowly come down like blinds drawing to a close when my floorboards began to creek…
The door hinges of my bedroom bellowed a loud moan…
The light bulbs flicked wildly in rays of light and dark then all simultaneously burst with a white flash, into shards like rain upon my bed as a luminescent figure approach from the pitch black hallway leading downstairs…
..Brother…?
My eyes grew wide as a pale image was painted over them as she drifted into the room with a draft of wind, igniting books and loose clothing from their resting place to perform a swirling dance around the room like a native tribe around a bonfire.
With the flick of her naked wrist, the items feel to the ground like a meter shower striking different parts of the world all at once. Her feet planted themselves upon the smooth surface of my hardwood floor and her face held an ever lasting somber expression as her thin, dry,
Lips
Parted to say
…why…did…you…leave…me…
I winced at her voice as each word stabbed me like a flaming dagger into my heart. I hung my head down low in shame for knowing all too well the truth she spoke and what actions forced her life to be sealed within a doll-like body forever.
Me and Janet were asleep in our room in the back of the house while our parents we away at a retreat with the staff of their company. Since I am the oldest, I was used to babysitting Janet all the time home alone while they were out so it didn’t bother me much until that day. The refrigerator had been sparking the night before and mom left it unplugged but being the responsible big brother I was, thought it might be a danger to sis and plugged it back in just to be safe. I awoke to a sea of thick smoke hovering over my head and Janet screaming at the top of her lungs at flames licking the bottom of our bedroom door, clawing at it like a hungry grizzly bear trying to scrape out to rabbits cowering in a hole. The solution to our hungry predator that had already consume every room but ours in its rage, was a wide clear window with a rusty latch but the weak screws could never hold the bottom half open for long and once it slams shut after being open, it locks tighter than a steel combination vault. With my little sister clutching at my legs to hurry and the roaring wave of flame pounding at the thick wood of our only shield, I punched the rusty latch that flips like a switch until my wrist bled and my fingers were twisted into the opposite direction and pushed the bottom half upward with all my might to let a hurricane of air battle the smoke that hung to the ceiling lazily and easily beat it into submission to disperse outside the room. I climbed thru the pane as Janet waited inside and gripped the ledge to dropp down only to realize that the distance from the ground was highly underestimated leaving my legs and feet to dangle about six foot and a half from the ground. I struggled to extend a stubby arm and hand to Janet while trying to hold myself up but fear weighed heavily upon her frail body like gravity had upped its strength three notches and she froze just to sustain life. My words of encouragement to move where interrupted by a sharp buzzing by my ear and another source by my leg and as I swung at the one by my ear, the other brought about my downfall and broke my attention as I fell backwards on the unforgiving concrete of our extended driveway head first and bathe its hot asphalt in a puddle of blood. When Janet looked out and saw me with my face to one side blowing bubbles in blood, she crawled to the pane and stretched a hand to the safety of the world free from flames,
…hope vanished in the blink of an eye…
The window slammed shut right in front of her three year old teary eyes and the timbers of the door finally gave way to the overflowing river of pure flames and stood crouched staring down at its prey about to pounce like a panther. Janet scratched at the indifferent window in desperation as her frantic face slowly disappeared from view outside the window as shrill screaming and the smell of burning flesh filled the air for the world to experience. Her head fail limp as her feet
Legs
Body
Arms
Neck
And head
Were devoured, hidden by black smoke as I lay in a puddle at the edge of death…
In my room, the mental scars of burying nothing but bone at her funeral
Flash in my mind like a picture on a movie screen
And the never ending river of tears that flowed down in gallons that stained the faces of the entire town
Now drip in connected drops to the floor in heavy dots that spread out wide on impact.
If only I was stronger…
If only my five year old body had the strength I have now…
Why could it not have been me instead of u…?
Charred warm hands reach out as if wanting to comfort me if solid and hold my face as I lift my head to see a loving charm replace her cold lifeless expression as her lips began to part open once more
…you…bled…for…me…
…you…cared…for…me…
…you…almost…died…for…me…
…you…loved…me…
…live…love…and…move…forward…
She vanished along with all of my regret.