Good Night Poem by Nadia Daniel

Sometimes I feel like the world just isn't real
and the shine that lights everyone else's eyes are lies
and sometimes I feel- I think- like I'm on the brink
of sinking down, into the underworld, the darkest seas
of sinking down, through mud and sludge and fire
not going any higher or lower or faster or slower
just stopping there and breathing in and finding
nothing enters my lungs and I'm choking on something
and black spots cloud my flickering eyelids
as I desperately claw for salvation not coming
and my heart speeds, then stutters...
to.... a... stop...
and I wake up from the nightmare with my body red and bloody
wake up screaming for some help.. that never comes
sometimes I calm myself and look around to find
that I'm in another dream; a nightmare
this thing they call life, they call reality
is but another episode for me
of darkness and monsters and creeping shadows in the night
or whiteness and coldness and light that's much too bright
so in the time it stops- for a second
I'm not sure whether I'm awake or sleeping
a continuation of the next, before is but the after
and white is black and yes is wrong and tears are surely laughter
confusion confuses me, tangles me in the net
I'm not sure what is memory, the web that makes me forget
torture describes my dreams
and everlasting nothing my hopes
a clenching fist my wishes
bound with chains and ropes
bound with chains and ropes

I can think in such a detail it astounds even me
the tiny point of light as a reflection;
the gentle curve, the genteel smile
the point of chin, the nose a mile
the down drape curve of hair, the sweep
the demure arms, in front, so neat

or the bright greenness, spread with veins
perfections of the same, again
cut accurately, no room for mistakes
attached the the brown arms of the towering craggy body

Or I can think in such meandering trails
it quietens even me
dirt enclosing- an enclosing box
the dead child's coffin beneath the-
an unmarked grave- a bare sheet-
of paper, white- the shining sun that blinds-
the blind man with his dog that finds-
finding treasure! gold! Jewellery! - story tales for-

When

You forget

I guess

It's a relief

Ignorance is bliss they say, I agree

But I don't want to erase the memories
From
me

Each one, however bad

However sad, however mad

However strange or lying or desperately wrong

However confusing....

However chokingly long...

Sometimes

I want to start again

And sometimes

That's all there is left to do, for me, for you

And sometimes

There is no silver lining

Just the cloud that is your life, murkiness is rife

Just sometimes

Rewinding is not an option

And pausing is a foreign word

Fast forwarding is for TV's

The same as STOP

Take a break,
Leave room for a mistake,
For once don't wake
but sleep...

not an option any more
just to get on with life
no matter how bad, stick through
at the end will be relief, the endless sleep, the last...
until then, don't fight
go with the flow, that's right

Till then;
Good Night.