Holidays And The Color Blue Poem by Angelique' Rockwell

Four and a half years have gone by so I'm trying to be nice
My youngest daughter just turned four
Speaking of this is like kneeling on rice
Reminding me we'd been separated for two years more

Now our anniversary is the next holiday
It used to be my favorite day of the year
Now I can't seem to get through Halloween day
Without shedding at least one tear

Thanksgiving is next on the list
Remembering every single one of the ten
Sad to the point of being pissed
Only our oldest and I can play 'remember when.....'

Next comes his birthday
Then Christmas and New Year's Eve
Through most of these we used to play
Now they only make me want to leave

The next three are more spread out
My birthday, yours and the day you died
These ones I drink through without a doubt
I can't even count the tears I've cried

Your death shadows our oldest daughter's birthday
Then our youngest son's is next
I hate the return of each one of these days
Secretly feeling that they are vexed

My days are haunted by memories of you
The good the bad and the ugly
I remember the laughter, hugs and tears too
But also the name-calling an drugs making you fugly

I've now lost the sound of your voice
But your presence will always be around
Through none of this we had any choice
But the love we had makes us bound

I don't feel the hatred that I felt before
The little ones don't remember much
And our oldest is closing the door
Seems like the whole thing was a rush

I won't forget nor will I try
The ten years with you
But never did we say goodbye
And holidays will always be the color blue.

10/7/11