Melissa Robinson


Hopelessness


I look in the mirror and my eyes consume me,
I'm lost in a void seeking the person i should be.
I once knew the girl, but she cowered, she ran;
far from this place I've created, far from these destructive hands.

I tread a path that fades to grey,
but I'm so sure I've lost my way.
I beg and i plead; I drop to my knees and pray;
Lord please diminish my misery.

I remember when I was just a little kid,
walkin' down the street and holdin' my mother's hand-
but she's no longer proud of me so alone I stand
glaring at my shattered past wishing so desperately it'd mend.

Failure and disappointment is my most popular trend,
God I am so sorry that I have sinned.
I'm trapped in a maze of sorrow within',
Someone, help me escape this, please make this end.

I ravage my thoughts, time and time again;
contemplating what could be my last suicide attempt.
with a shot glass to my right and a pipe to my lips
I convince myself to give my life another chance.

Then my mind throws to me yet another question,
Doesn't everyone long for a sense of acceptance.?
but I come back with the mere suggestion-
that maybe my wounds won't heal because this pain is destined.

My suffering intensifies and the treachery is relentless;
I writhe inside as i whimsy the thought of being nonexistent.
I try and lose myself in false bliss but all happiness remains fiction,
and the worst part is that I allow my agony to be unwitnessed.

As I inhale what alters my mind-
I mutilate my body with razors and and tell myself that I'm fine.
Blood stains my clothing with the scent of iron
as silent, profound tears, smear my eye liner.

Then once again I stare upon my reflection
and I remember the identity of the girl in the mirror-
So traumatized by terror, of trial and error-
I bound my wounds and walk away as my heart remains dismantled.

Submitted: Monday, February 17, 2014

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  • Rookie - 831 Points Rajesh Thankappan (2/27/2014 9:03:00 PM)

    I would advice the person in the poem to move away slowly and gradually from the recent past and thus discover in the mirror a new identity which presently lies hidden and uncovered in a blanket of dust and dirt. A nice poem and all the best. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Melissa Robinson (2/18/2014 2:02:00 PM)

    I want people to understand. People who don't know me personally, but through these words to understand how people who have experienced such things feel. No matter how hard, how helpless and miserable anyone ever feels- they can turn that pain around and use it as strength and wisdom to fight whatever they have been through. For some people it's a mental illness the must defeat. Another may be things in their life that have occurred that cause harmful contemplations and actions. This may not only affect themselves, but the people around them. I want people to understand that no matter how hard things are, it never has to be the end. You can conquer thoughts of death and more. You just have to motivate yourself to do so. Thank you Mike and Ed very much. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mike Snow (2/17/2014 6:00:00 PM)

    Very moving and strong, It struck a resonance in me. Don`t stop writing. (Report) Reply

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