How To Look More Nigerian Than Nigerians Poem by Diipo Fagbolu

To look more Nigerian than Nigerians
Is quite an easy job
Its is easier than one would have thought
It's far easier than being a Briton
Or being an American chasing dreams
It's by far the easiest of all jobs
First, you have to come with a big mouth
I mean you must have thick lips that talk loud at meetings
Even at malls and eateries
You must greet (all)your neighbours in the morning and ask how their night was
You must have a party every weekend each with a uniquely colourful asoebi
You must be richer than your neighbour or pretend to be so
You must have an uncle, oh, everyone does have an uncle, but we Nigerians have special uncles,
Uncle-thanks-for-the-alert!
And cousins that are not cousins at all
You must top your class if you school abroad
You must be black but always allow Ghanaians to be blacker (it's a generational courtesy)
Just as South African women must always be allowed to carry the biggest booties
Hate your government-hate them all, don't wait for any reason or excuse
To look more Nigerian than Nigerians
Iseasy my friend- Own a flowing Agbada if you are a man
If not just have your own make-up set
Drive a Camry or Corolla
Use toothpick in the streets (receipt)
Soak your bread in tea
And have a title, add a prefix to your name by all means; chief, Doctor, Alhaji or J.P
To look more Nigerian than Nigerians
Is easier than you thought
If only you will always come late to parties and meetings alike- obey the Nigerian-time rule
And never forget that all noodles are Indo Mie
As all toothpastes are Macleans
And all seasonings are Maggi
And should you forget any of those
Do not ever forget that we will never again play India in a football match if you don't know ask your uncle, mine told me.
To look more Nigerian than Nigerians is quite easy
As far as you do not forget to service your generator.