I Am Hurting Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

I'm hurting.
And all I am expected to show for it,
Is a stiff upper lip.
And unknown courage.
Only I know exists.

As if I keep a faucet inside.
To decide to turn off and on at will.
Or desert how I feel!
To isolate...
And leave abandoned.
Until it dies.
Or until I smother it to kill.

Like a common well that has dried up,
Either from lack of use...
Or the need of it has gone.
From a contamination,
That has gone on for too long!

I feel diminished.
Finished.
Left to wither and die.
Forgotten for the attempts I've tried!
To keep together...
What has now been brushed aside.
Regardless of an existence,
I showed with pride and caring!
For a relationship shared...
That has slipped away.

I'm hurting!
And I find I am admitting that!
But to whom?
This wound inside that afflicts me,
Is mine.
Not to share.
No one but I know,
The history that is there.

And if I could...
Would the sting of it be transferred?
With the pain that sits on my every nerve?
No!
I know that.
And even if I could...
With tears to deliver,
How and what I feel...
With this depth.
Would still leave me...
The one out of breath.
And out of my mind with this sorrow.

I would not wish this on anyone.
Not to be dismissed in the way I have been!
Not today or anytime.
Not in anyone's tomorrows.

I am hurting!
And it is mine alone.
To comfort or ignore...
Or dare to bare to show exposed.
Since of this no one hears,
Or care to know!
I'm hurting.
And I feel it is not deserved!