Lawrence S. Pertillar (February/'47 / Connecticut, USA)

We are pleased you have chosen to run again,
For public office.
However...
There are a 'few' who donated to your campaign efforts,
That last time...
Several years ago,
Now want to know...
What has happened to the millions unaccountable,
For that past attempt.
Can you explain how that funding was spent?

'Of course I can.
I am more than delighted.
I've been wanting to clear the air of that issue for years.

You see,
My wife and I are founders...
Of 'The Freed of Getting Frisked At Your Risk Foundation'.
And what we have done with those millions entrusted to us,
Is to ensure every stray animal...
Dog, cat, bird or beaver,
Regardless of its pedigree...
Is given an opportunity to have free legal consultation.

AND...
A kennel worthy of being lined,
With updated newspapers printing the latest...
Of entertaining gossip detailing the lives,
Of their most beloved film stars.'

I see.
So you're saying,
An investigation into how that money has been used...
Is completely pointless?

'Not only pointless.
But a waste of taxpayer's hard earned wages.'

Sounds good to me.
Bill...
Do you have any more probing questions?

~None whatsoever.
That response should put to bed the issue.
And any other accusation of theft.~