I Feel Them Die Poem by belinda mrwebi

There is an element of sadness to dreams that live only in the heart.
There is a sense of shame that comes with knowing failure so intimately.
I lay awake in this ungodly hour and think, .....how am I going to explain to my future self that i could Have been so much more......if only!
If only i didn't give up on my self
If only i didn't blind myself to the opportunities that others saw and took advantage off.
If only i was not so afraid to take risks and see how far i can get.
If only i was not so confused about what was more precious at this point in my life.
How would I explain that I had dreams but I just did not have the tenacity to follow them?
How do i bring myself to accept that,i could have been so much more than what i turned out to be and be ok with that?
My soul feels like an open wound sensitive to everything around me.
With a deep yearning in my heart to be so much more than what i wake up to.
The thought of being a "could have" devours me to the core and lights up my emotions to flames I can barely grip
I cringe at the thought of facing another day with a belly field with dying dreams.
I listen to my thoughts and feel them die with every hope lost and every door that remains closed.
I feel them die, season by season
I feel them die inside my hopeful soul.